The Pen is still Alive!

To my surprise, more than a year has gone by since my last post.  To risk armchair philosophy, or worse, armchair psychology, allow me a vague explanation: a writer may abandon writing for a time because they are not feeling themselves...they are out of their rhythm.  Or, a writer may abstain from their craft because they are in good health and are concerned with other interests.  

 

Be that as it may, now that I have a post to share, I am unsure of how to proceed.  

Has the very art of blogging died a happy death in my absence?  Do people still read blogs? 

Unfortunately, in my absence I've lost whatever small following this outlet ever had.  So...how to regain an audience?  I nearly posted a link to Facebook...but drew back, conflicted.  

 

Would it be acceptable to write in the dark for a while…until the ink really starts flowing again…or proves to be the last dribble of reserve left?

My Grandfather is Alive

I went to the movie theatre a few months age, and sat in row H, seat 18.  At a given point in the film, I find myself speaking to my grandfather.  As this event unfolds, I close my eyes and can see him.  I share with him a recent sorrow. As tears stream down my face, there is stillness and a calm I've rarely known.  Then, just as quickly, the experience is over, dispersed like the mist on the Saint John harbour.

 
My grandfather died over five years ago.  For those few precious moments it felt so good to be sitting beside him again.  Since my earliest days I would say, "Let me sit beside Poppy, Dad."  It was the gleam in his eye, his impish laughter when teasing me and his inimitable storytelling (assisted, of course, by Nanny, filling in any missed details).
 
A few days after this encounter, I am celebrating Mass on a Saturday night at the French parish in Fredericton.  During communion the choir sings Les Mains Ouvertes Devant Toi, Seigneur (My Hands Are Open Before You, Lord).  It is the one French song my grandfather used to sing.  It is my first time hearing the song in church and I am distributing holy communion when they begin to sing.  Tears gently crest my cheek as I say the closing prayers of the Mass.  
 
There is one final experience.  I am dropping off documents to police headquarters in uptown Saint John. Parking is always a nightmare, so I pull in to a near-empty liquor store two blocks away from the station.  In my walk over, I pass an apartment building where two workers are replacing the building’s siding.  It is windy and they are several stories up.  Not wanting to get impaled by fallen siding, I make my way hurriedly.  I finish the necessary paperwork and return, passing gingerly underneath, glancing up uneasily, then back to the street.  As my eyes refocus, I casually note that there are some tourist-types walking by.  The cruise ships are in, I whisper to myself. 

I see an old man walking the sidewalk. Not a tourist, that much is clear; he has white hair, is thin and is dressed an ounce above shabby.  I am about to turn my attention away, when something in his  manner strikes me as very familiar.  In a flash, I see my grandfather crossing the street towards me, extending his hands.  I hear him utter my name clearly and distinctly, “Aaron.” Hearing my name spoken with warmth in his unmistakable cadence, my lungs immediately constrict and tears well up.  A moment later, the scene passes from my eyes.  I look back to see an old man shuffling down the street, his overcoat shrinking, as the distance between us widens. 

  

 

Daring to Pursue God despite the Darkness

Hi friends, 

The Gospel today (John 8:51-19)

contains this disarming phrase 

on Jesus' lips: 

“Before Abraham was, I am.”  

These troubling words Jesus dares to say.

 

With these words, Jesus crosses the threshold. 

He is now speaking recklessly.  

He is now revealing Himself.  

There will be consequences. 

There will be nails and spit.

There will be blood poured from His face and His side.

 

There is no turning back from these words.

There is no turning back from these claims.

 

When the time comes, 

will I be willing to speak words 

from which I cannot recover?

What would it be like to swept up 

in that kind of Love…

a love which does not flinch before the grave?  

We thirst for a power to overcome the physical grave…

but also the rejection and shame 

the world heaps upon us 

who do not mouth their narratives 

or mimic their conclusions.

 

What would it be like 

to be so caught up in His symphony 

that we do not count our missteps? 

What would it be like not to flinch before 

the cold glare of those whose perceptions 

matter overmuch?

When did we surrender our peace to projections bent on keeping them sated?  

I'm tired of chasing these projections.

Tired of living the lie. 

Tired of dancing like a puppet on the string.

 

I wanna walk in Your light, Lord.  

I wanna walk in Your light.

I want to walk free.

I want to pursue You again...

the darkness is so close, on my heels.

The Gospel of John says: 

“And the light shines in the darkness, 

and the darkness has not overcome it…”

Your days are numbered, O Prince of the darkness.

Your days are numbered.

Annunciation reflection...

 The Lord finds a way to get His work accomplished. 

We see Ahaz today.  

His heart is closed…his excuses, weak.

His heart, lukewarm.

Thinking that he is doing good, he refuses to listen to the prophet.

However, the prophet speaks the Word…

What I hear is: “Despite your unfaithfulness, I will be faithful”.

 

Today, as I am faced with the ways in which 

I have been unfaithful to the Lord…

in prayer, fasting, and almsgiving…

I also need to hear that God will accomplish His work…

despite my hard-headedness…despite my hard-heartedness.

Lord, please forgive my folly,

my self-preoccupation and indulgence.  

Help me to turn away from sin and to be faithful to the Gospel.  

Bring me a confessor!  

I need Your grace, for I have fallen away!

 

Let it be true once more as if I were a new Ahaz…

Lord, accomplish Your work in me, 

though I may be opposing it!  

 

Lord, find a way to get Your work done in me.  

Lord, I am afraid.  I lack courage. I lack trust. 

Be faithful despite my unfaithfulness. 

Be faithful…O Lord.

 

Set me free from my sin and I will do your will (Psalm refrain).

 

You send the angel Gabriel to announce words of amazing revelation.

His words rouse me from slumber, sadness and lukewarmness.

How could You be so good, O Lord…who can fathom Your goodness?

To the Virgin Mary, yes.  I can see that.  But to me – who art sinful and lowly?

I cannot fathom You, O Lord.  Your goodness exceeds all goodness!

 

You find a way to accomplish Your good work.  

You find a way where there was none.

- ak

Vespers for Advent: A New Season Awaits

On this the eve of Advent, the first Vespers, I come before You, Lord. The journey has wearied me. And this season of hope, renewed hope, stretches like a vast desert before me. I know You will provide water, for You are the Living Water, the Source of all good.

I share for your reflection from Pope Benedict’s Angelus from 2007 (Dec. 2nd) the following:

"This Sunday is therefore a day specially suited to offering the entire Church and to all men and women of good will my second Encyclical, which I wanted to dedicate precisely to the theme of Christian hope. It is entitled Spe Salvi, because it opens with the expression "Spe salvi facti sumus - in hope we were saved" (Rm 8: 24). In this, as in other passages of the New Testament, the word "hope" is strictly connected with the word "faith". It is a gift that changes the life of the one who receives it, as the experience of so many men and women saints demonstrates. In what does this hope consist, so great and so "trustworthy", to make us say that in it we have "salvation"? In essence it consists in the knowledge of God, in the discovery of the heart of the good and merciful Father. Jesus, with his death on the Cross and his Resurrection, has revealed his Face to us, the face of a God so great in love as to communicate to us an uncrushable hope that not even death can break, because the life of the one who entrusts himself to this Father opens itself to the prospect of eternal beatitude.

The development of modern science has always confined faith and hope to the private and individual sphere, so that today it appears in a clear and sometimes dramatic way that man and the world need God - the true God! - otherwise, they remain deprived of hope. Science contributes much to the good of humanity, but it is not able to redeem it. Man is redeemed by love, which makes one's personal and social life good and beautiful. This is why the great hope, the full and definitive one, is guaranteed by God who is love, by God who has visited us and has given us life in Jesus, and who will return at the end of time. We hope in Christ, we await him! With Mary, his Mother, the Church goes to meet her Spouse: she does so with works of charity, because hope, like faith, is demonstrated in love.

A good Advent to all!"

Blood shed for Him

"Life sometimes leads us down paths we haven't chosen but which we must consent to out of love. This consent then becomes a source of grace, a way of union with God (...) each time we accept the conflicts and difficulties of life with faith in Christ and love for Him, the Holy Spirit rests upon us." - father jacques philippe Fire and Light: Learning to Receive the Gift of God p.16 "Tempestuous times, periods of trouble and worry, are bound to come, but our perception of reality is so distorted by negative emotions that we must wait for peace to return before changing any fundamental resolutions." (ibid, p.18)

Is The Tide Turning...?

Hello friends...It has been a while! 

I am excited to write again. As with anyone who has a love affair with writing, you know the ups and downs, the torrential output and the great stretches of desert faced by those who endeavor to write. It would seem that, after a long hiatus, the tide is finally turning. Alleluia! 

This grace of writing came by virtue of going on retreat with the Franciscans of Halifax during the last week of July 2022. 

I was also encouraged to keep penning the virtual verses of my life by Mal and Kara, who noted my absence.  A little encouragement, as it turns out, goes a long way.

The healing grace extended to me by God on this retreat amounts to what I consider a defining moment, a game-changer, in the last 14 years of ordained priesthood. 

I look forward to sharing that blessing with you over the next few posts.